TK-726 Journal Entry 21-12-20

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The following journal entries are those of Stormtrooper TK-726, a struggling, low-level attorney stationed on the first Death Star. They largely depict his trials and tribulations as a last-resort Imperial attorney. Found floating in space by a band of smugglers, Mos Eisley Radio acquired the journals and has set to work on translating and documenting the content. Though his fate is still shrouded in mystery, at this point, one thing is strikingly unclear: Who knows why TK-726 even bothered to record his these things?

TK-726 IN
Journal Entry 11-82-21

A pretty angry trooper came stomping into my office earlier today. He was all irate about something, but I was finishing a brief so I told him to just have a seat. When he went to sit down, instead of turning around, he backed up while facing me and then shuffled laterally. It was very bizarre and it immediately caught my attention.

“OK, take your helmet off and tell me what’s on your back that you don’t want me to see?” I asked, putting my brief away.

He had his full stormtrooper gear on. I like to have people take their helmet off so I can read their eyes. I, of course, keep mine on because I don’t want them to see my eyes, and it looks cool with my suit.

He looked mad and sheepish at the same time, which is quite the expression. When he turned around I didn’t see anything particularly interesting about the back of his armor. Then he pointed at his ass-plate.

Somebody had branded a perfect visage of Vader’s helmet on the left cheek of his pearly white backside armor.

It was spectacular.

“I gotta say, somebody is an artist. Where do you even get a brand capable of doing that on the Star?” I asked. It was truly impressive work, and to acquire or build a brand like that was amazing. The trooper didn’t share my appreciation.

“I want to sue someone.”
“Hold on. Why don’t you just get a new plate?”
“The guys at Equipment and Maintenance think it’s funny, they said they’re out of plates until Friday.”
“I assume it’s the talented SOB that branded your armor that you’re looking to sue here, and not the clowns at Equipment. Who was it?”
“I’m not sure.”

I paused. This, believe it or not, is not an uncommon situation. “Well, that’s going to be a bit of a problem.”

“I think it’s TK-1037. He accused me of cheating when I beat him in sabaac a few weeks ago.”

Now this type of thing happens quite a bit. Some angry person comes storming in wanting vengence. The problem is that the law isn’t always the best avenue for this. Sometimes you just have to be a little more creative.

“Let me break this down for you. You want to sue TK-1037 because he stamped Vader’s face on your ass, which by the way is truly impressive work. So you’re going to sue this guy and guess what? You’re going to be famous by the end of the day. Every officer on this whole space station is going to know that you’re sitting on Vader’s mug, and sooner or later so will the big guy himself, and then it’s chokey-chokey time. And for what? You think you’re going to get “paid” for this? What are your damages? Embarrassment and future infamy? Good luck with that, buddy.”

I motioned him closer.

“Here’s what you do, kid. You take whatever money you wanted to pay me and go down to Equipment. You give it to my buddy TK-481 and tell him that I sent you. Explain that this guy got you good and you’re looking for some payback. Tell him to hide all the codpieces for 48 hours. Then you go back up to joker’s room when he’s working out and superglue a whole bunch of your hair in strategic places to his. Oh, and get yourself a new assplate before you get yourself killed.”

Who says lawyers aren’t creative?

TK-726 OUT

Digital Disappointment

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The wait is over. The Old Republic is finally out and we can all enjoy playing the game that we’ve been waiting so long for. But for some of us, the wait has beem for more than just the game. For those of us who ordered the Collector’s Edition, we’ve been waiting for a long time to get our hands on our extra goodies that come as part of the package. When I was finally able to open up my box, I was extremely satisfied with all the physical items I got. The Gnost-Dural journal, in particular, was more impressive than I was expecting. The digital items, on the other hand, were quite disappointing.

First we’ll start with the item that everyone got for pre-ordering any edition of the game; the color stone. There have been many complaints about the color of this stone and many people feel that it is quite ugly. I’m not one of those guys. But what does bother me is the relatively low stats on the stone. At +7 Endurance, the stone didn’t last me past my late-20s. I would have liked to seen a graduated set of stones. You know, maybe at level 20 I can then buy a new color stone with something like +10 Endurance on it. Something to let me keep my pre-order colors through to the level cap if that was my wish.

Next are the holodancer, holocam, STAP, training droid and flare gun; the items that both the Collector’s Edition and Digital Deluxe buyers were given. The holocam is complete waste. So I click a button instead of hitting “Print Screen” to take a screenshot. Who cares? The holodancer is kinda entertaining, but quickly becomes annoying. The holodancer only last for 30 seconds, but the cooldown on the item is 60 seconds.. It’s totally ruining my dance parties. The flare gun is cool, but it shoots the flare so absurdly high that even in huge caverns the flare usually will disappear into the ceiling. Only use this gun outdoors, and even then the flare will be up so high that no one is likely to even see it going off. The training droid has absolutely no use other than wasting inventory space. In the end, the STAP is the only item really worth having. It’s a kind of neat looking vehicle and it saves you from having to spend the money to purchase one once you hit level 25.

Finally come the two things exclusive to Collector’s Edition owners, the mouse droid and access to a special vendor. The mouse droid is pretty neat. He follows you about, like any vanity pet, and that’s about it. I was pretty happy with my mouse droid for a couple days, until I took a look at the vendor that people who use security keys have access to. It turns out that he sells a mouse droid. A real mouse droid that actually looks like the mouse droids from the films. I want that instead of the ugly green Rhoomba that BioWare gave me. But the thing that I am most disappointed in is the vendor. Who cares if we have an exclusive vendor if it’s full of things that nobody wants to buy. You can choose from another vanity pet, a couple companion customizations, or a really ugly uniform. The VIP vendor that anyone can get access to sells a cool looking speeder and even the Security Key vendor has more and better items than the Collector’s Edition vendor. However, BioWare has said that they plan to occasionally update the vendor’s inventory with new items. I sure hope it happens soon, because right now I’m feeling kind of cheated.

TK-726 Journal Entry 11-40-21

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The following journal entries are those of Stormtrooper TK-726, a struggling, low-level attorney stationed on the first Death Star. They largely depict his trials and tribulations as a last-resort Imperial attorney. Found floating in space by a band of smugglers, Mos Eisley Radio acquired the journals and has set to work on translating and documenting the content. Though his fate is still shrouded in mystery, at this point, one thing is strikingly unclear: Who knows why TK-726 even bothered to record his these things?

TK-726 IN
Journal Entry 11-40-21

Product liability cases are never what they seem at first glance. Remember that famous case where the elder female officer ordered the cup of caf and burned herself, then sued and won? Remember how unfair everyone thought that was? What if I told you that the officer who burned herself was in her 70’s, the coffee was 85 standard degrees, would cause 3rd degree burns in less than 2 seconds, could not be consumed orally at that temperature, and she lost 20% of her body weight while in the hospital receiving major skin grafts to her groin and thighs. Makes it a little more believable that a jury awarded her some money, right?

The point is that you have to find out all the facts before you make a decision about one of these. This week was a good example of why you ask all the weird questions.

Scout Trooper TB-2847 came in looking for someone to represent him. I guess the other side was willing to settle and pay most of his medical bills, but nothing else. He said that he’d been badly injured by his “cooker”. A cooker is essentially a box that has some heating coils in the bottom, powered by electricity. You put your food on the grate, and the coils heat it up. You see them everywhere in trooper outposts because they’re small and simple devices. Now, he didn’t look injured, but he had his gear on so it was hard to tell.

“So what happened?” I ask.
“My cooker electrocuted me,” he said.
“Can you be a little more specific?”
“It electrocuted me and gave me a heart attack.”

Not exactly what I was going for, but I suppose I could have been more specific.

“What were you doing when your cooker electrocuted you?”
“Cooking.”

I’d had enough of this clown.

“Ok. Take your helmet off.” He obliged. “I assume you want me to represent you, but I can’t do that if I don’t know what the hell happened here, so go ahead and explain from the beginning.” That seemed to resonate, because he immediately took his helmet off. He was in his mid 20’s. Didn’t look too bright, which may seem strange to say, but sometimes you can just tell. His slightly dazed eyes betrayed a history of close encounters between his had and a vibro-baton.

“I was doing recon on Endor. We’d just gotten some new supplies from station, and it included a cooker and a generator. We were pretty excited because we’d been living out of cans and whatever we could cook over a fire. We fired up the generator, and put in some meat from an animal we snared. I opened it up to pull the meat out and put my hand in there and I must have brushed one of the heating elements because it blew up and electrocuted me. I’m not really sure because I blacked out and woke up an hour later. I guess the guys say my heart stopped but they got it going again.”

Quite a story. I was this close to taking the case and telling him to go home so I could start working on it. Something in the back of my mind told me to ask a few more questions.

“So it just blew up when you touched the coil?” I asked.
“I guess so. Kinda hard for me to remember.”
“You weren’t wearing your gloves were you?” I thought maybe a buckle or something got caught in there. It was a long shot.
“Nope. My gloves are pretty dirty. I didn’t want to handle the food with them.”
“Ok. So that we’re clear, it was a new cooker, a standard generator, you put your hand in without a glove, and it electrocuted you.”
“Yep.”

Seemed legit to me. I went through the whole standard paperwork thing with him, talked a while about billing, and was walking him out the door when a thought popped into my head.

“You don’t have an extensive medical history, do you? Nothing crazy I should know about, right?”

He stopped at the door and turned around. “Well, I had a pretty bad speeder bike accident a couple years ago.”
“How bad was it?”
“I probably should have died. They barely put me back together.”

I cringed, hoping that I wasn’t right.

“What hand did you use to get the food out?”
“My right. Why?”

I walked over, holding my hand out to shake his, and when he put his hand in mine, I pulled off his right glove revealing his shining, metal, robotic hand.

We settled.

TK-726 OUT

TOR Lore 102: The Mandalorians

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Who and what were the Mandalorians? Everyone knows about Boba Fett and Jango Fett, but what about the culture that spawned these two iconic warriors? Very little information is given in the films about who they were or their motivations. Once again, Leo and Evan join forces to discuss this topic and share their knowledge with the rest of you.

Mando Culture

Evan: If there was only one thing that I wish I could rip out of George Lucas or Ralph McQuarie’s notebooks from 1980, it’s the original concept notes and sketches of the Imperial Super-Commando that eventually became Boba Fett. I think these Super Commandos were meant to be the ones storming Echo Base instead of Snowtroopers, but I could be wrong. Regardless of where he came from, the unnamed bounty hunter from Empire Strikes Back with three whole lines somehow managed to generate this whole separate sub-fanbase. Back then all we knew was that this guy who liked to disintegrate people had something called “Mandalorian Battle Armor.” Even if you don’t know everything about them you know they’ve really become the third pillar of the Star Wars universe and, consequently, a major source of contention between the fans, EU writers, and GL himself.

Leo: Yes, today we know a lot more about Mandalorians then just that they wear badass looking armor. The entire Mando culture is one based on a dichotomy, conflict with non-Mandos but unity amongst each other. Kad Ha’rangir was the Mandalorian god of war and destruction and engaging in warfare was how Mandos worshiped him. Because of all the war and conflict and because Mandalorian society is comprised of beings from many, many different species, their culture also had many different rules intended to unify these disparate species. Foremost amongst these was the Resol’nare, or the “Six Actions.” All Mandalorians are expected to live by these tenets and they are: wear beskar’gam (armor), speak Mando’a, defend yourself and your family, contribute to your clan, rally to the Mand’alor when summoned, and raise your children in the Mandalorian ways.

E: That’s a significant point to make: being Mandalorian isn’t about species at all. In fact, the armor speaks more to their society than what’s underneath. From a certain point of view, the Mandos might be a more equal society than some in the Republic.

Also worth noting is that although they are, by definition, a warrior culture, they are not ruthless monsters. As you’d already mentioned, they are a very tightly-knit society, having their own families within their larger clans. Because they recognize that not every society they face may be warriors, they may choose to not engage them. After all, there is no honor to be found in killing those too weak to even try to defend themselves.

L: Mandalorians as a whole, however, eventually become much less warlike after the Old Republic era. After a devastating war with the Republic about 700 years before the films, several Mandos break off from the general Mandalorian population and form a peaceful pacifist society known as the New Mandalorians. But they were totally lame and no one wants to hear about them. The rest of the Mandos continued on as always until they nearly exterminated the Ithullan race. This started a movement amongst the Mandalorians to reform their culture. Instead of spreading warfare across the entire galaxy, they instead became the highly skilled mercenaries and bounty hunters of the modern era. Rather than act as a marauding army, they began to follow what was known as the “Supercommando Codex.”

Mandolorian Battle Armor

E: Of course, it’s the armor that really captivates even the most casual of fans. You’d mentioned that they are meant to wear beskar armor, but what we see Boba and Jango wear really just looks like any old plasteel you might take off a dead stormtrooper, just with a different paint job and some mods. Beskar’gam, however, is made from the mineral beskar which is one of those very few materials capable of standing up to a lightsaber. Looking at the game for a moment, I don’t think we’ll be too likely to even SEE any beskar armor until we’re at least level 50. Actually, the use of beskar was not limited solely to armor, but extended to weapons, as well. A Mando wearing beskar’gam and carrying the traditional beskade warblade was more than a match for any Trooper attacking with a rifle.

L: I think armor is captivating even for us non-casual fans. Personally, it’s what I find most fascinating about the Mandalorians. Each Mando’s armor is their most prized possession. Everyone’s armor (usually) is different and all the customization means something to them. Even different colors on the armor can have different meanings. Really the beskar’gam is a good metaphor for the whole Mando culture. Each set of armor is highly personal and individual, yet they are alike enough show unity among the various clans and species that make up the Mandalorians.

E: The helmet is also one of those things that grabs you immediately. Masks and helmets are a very prominent theme in the Star Wars universe. Aside from the droids and rebel troopers, the masked Stormtroopers and Darth Vader are the very first characters we met in the films! In Empire, Boba’s mask bore somewhat of a resemblence to the stormtroopers’, of course, being taken from the super commando sketches, but it held another level of mystery and menace for the viewers. The most important mask amongst Mandalorians is that belonging to The Mandalore, the supreme leader that can unite all the disparate clans. The Revan novel really drove home what that helmet means to the Mandalorian people and why Canderous claiming it was such a significant event in Knights of the Old Republic II. Fans of the Saga era don’t really get that backstory to any degree, although the second season of the Clone Wars peripherally touches on it and the Legacy of the Force books, especially those by Karen Traviss, do bring it back to the forefront.

L: And the gadgets. Don’t forget the gadgets. All the stuff hidden in this armor can put Batman’s utility belt to shame. Exactly what accessories a set of armor will have varies greatly from one individual to the next. Common accoutrements include grappling hooks, flamethrowers, crush gauntlets, jet packs, rocket launchers, and dart guns. The suit can even contain water and nutrients that can be ingested through the use of a straw inside the helmet.

For Mandalore!

As much as we’ve just finished talking about, there are volumes more that could be gone over. From the origin of the Mandalorian species and their evolution into a multi-species culture to the first time they served the Sith and all the way up to Boba Fett becoming The Mandalore, it would take more time than most people have in a day. However, having just scratched the surface, we hope you’ll be inspired to look into these fascinating characters further than a Wookieepedia entry. With that, even if you are a Republic loyalist, do yourself a favor and roll a Bounty Hunter on the side. I think every variation of “Boba” has been taken by now, though.

TK-726 JOURNAL ENTRY 11-30-21

Written by Admin | posted in Read, TK-726 | 0 Comments |

The following journal entries are those of Stormtrooper TK-726, a struggling, low-level attorney stationed on the first Death Star. They largely depict his trials and tribulations as a last-resort Imperial attorney. Found floating in space by a band of smugglers, Mos Eisley Radio acquired the journals and has set to work on translating and documenting the content. Though his fate is still shrouded in mystery, at this point, one thing is strikingly unclear: Who knows why TK-726 even bothered to record his these things?

TK-726 IN
JOURNAL ENTRY 11-30-21

The Death Star is not small. Sure, it looks a little like a moon from a distance, but when you live inside this place, it can get ridiculous.

I ran out of exhibit tags last week. I meant to order them but forgot. Now I’m a day away from a hearing on some marital dispute and I don’t have any tags and no time to order them. I have to go get them myself.

It turns out that the only place that sells legal supplies is this little joint way over on level 6 in sector 57. When I first looked it up, I didn’t even realize this station had 57 sectors and then I found out why. It’s completely on the other side, as far from my office as geometrically possible. This was going to be a trek.

When you have to travel a distance like this, you don’t walk. You take an inner-transport. It’s built into a tube system that runs the circumference of the station. It’s usually dirty, filled with questionable individuals, and often smells pretty bad. In short, it sucks and I try to avoid it at all costs.

As luck would have it (and I say this loosely because once you get on an inner-transport, events like this seem to be inevitable) the guy sitting next to me turned out to be completely wasted. He was some low-end Imperial officer, probably a few months out of training. As luck would also have it (again, loosely), he wanted to talk. I was hoping he wouldn’t be making an assumption that I was an attorney because of the suit.

Attempts to accurately translate his drunken slurs into coherent typed phrases are, unsurprisingly, exhausting. Just assume that this guy wasn’t exactly a holodrama voiceover candidate. “If you’re driving a speeder and are pulled over by a sec (security) trooper, do you have to give a breath sample?” he slurs. Crap.

I try to ignore him. Guess the results.

“Hey! You’re a lawyer aren’t you?” This would be one of the rare times where I actually wish that I had to wear armor like everyone else instead of just the helmet. Finally, I oblige out of a morbid curiosity.

“Why did you get pulled over?” I ask.
“I was pulled over.”
“You just said you got pulled over”
“No I didn’t. I said I WAS pulled over.”
“Ok. So you weren’t driving when the trooper found you?”
“Nope.”

Well now we have a real mystery on our hands. At this point he’s smiling, clearly knowing that he’s got his hooks in me. However, his rubbery, fluid speech makes it all a strange, largely unentertaining game to really make out what he’s saying. I’m sparing you this aspect of the mystery.

“So you were in your car, but not driving when the trooper found you.”
“Right!”
“How long had you NOT been driving when the trooper found you?”

He had to think about this one. “None,” he says.

“None?”
“None.” He seemed satisfied with that answer. I was not.

“Why weren’t you driving when he found you?” I had an idea.
“My speeder was busted.”

Winner.

“You crashed your speeder into a sec-trooper, didn’t you?” I laughed.
“Yep.” He seemed pleased. “Big Time. Wrecked his whole back end.”
“How mad was he?” I asked, already knowing the obvious answer.
“He wasn’t happy.”

Now the million credit question.

“So how wasted were you?”
“Pretty wasted.”

Of course. There was a long pause. He seemed to be trying to formulate a thought, but I didn’t want to let the conversation get back into a potential legal advice scenario with this clown, so I struck pre-emptively.

“Where are you going?”
“I gotta go to court to get my permit back.”
“Today? Which court?” Obviously, going to court hammered to get a speeder permit back was less than advisable. Naturally, I withheld such advice, knowing it would be ignored in the unlikely event he even remembered it.
“Traffic court, man.”

I looked at the map on the wall of the transport.

“Traffic court was like 7 stops ago, dude.”

He looked at me with his head sort of wavering, then stood up and tottered over to the map. He was staring at it, kind of swaying, when the transport stopped suddenly and he flew sideways. His body turned at the last second and his face hit a stability pole flush. Bang. Out cold.

I was completely in shock. My mouth was wide open and after a few seconds I heard him start to groan on the ground. I knew he wasn’t dead. I don’t know why, but I just burst out laughing. The next stop was mine and I was crying under my helmet I was laughing so hard. It took nearly 10 minutes to compose myself to get the legal tags because I was just completely unhinged.

I wish I would have gotten his ID to check out how his hearing went.

TK-726 OUT